Quick TABS to Joyful Stuff

Thursday, May 27, 2010

For me, Painting was Never Therapy. But I NEED it now.

After everything MiMi and I have been through lately I so wanted to pick up a paint brush, summoning up the spirit of Bob Ross, and paint like I've been painting all my life.  I watched so many episodes of The Joy of Painting online and on DVD while we were in the hospital and at the nursing home.  You'd think my mind would know exactly what to tell my hand to do. Something MiMi can't do anymore.  She's pretty much forgotten how to do everything.  Literally.  So she requires a lot of help when she's awake.  She does sleep most of the time however and that is both a blessing and a curse.  But that's not why I'm here blogging right now . . so back to my story.

Now that we are home I was itching to work on Series 2 Number 6.  Black River. The name says a lot for me, because it starts with a black canvas.  I didn't like the black canvas we did in S2-No.3 Ebony Sea but I had convinced myself it was because I had used both the liquid clear AND the transparent colors as under paint, and this time I knew I was using only the transparent colors.

I was eager to apply my somewhat rusty skills on the black gessoed canvas that has been on my easel for nearly a month, so I just squeezed out the paint and "fired it right in there" (word to Bill Alexander, whom is still very much "with" Bob in his early episodes) and it Burned my Brain.  I couldn't mix colors, I couldn't decide which brush to use. I forgot how to make trees.  He was working with browns and yellows and I don't seem to like browns and yellows, and made a big mess.

So, to make a long story short (my facebook followers know I am likely going to destroy this one and start over or "skip" it) my Series 2 Episode 6 Painting of Black River is facing it's doom.  I AM going to edit and post the video and let you all have a good laugh.  After which I'll decide what to do with it. I have not watched the video, but I keep walking by the painting and cringing.  I'm sure the video will make me cry.

Speaking of crying.  That's happening to me a lot again lately.  Anyone who's read the 50 things about me on my web page  can figure out that the stress of having MiMi here and hospice care (which is a very helpful and beautiful process by the way) is likely affecting my emotions a bit.  But you wouldn't know it to talk to me.  (That's probably the problem right there) Good thing for blogs because I obviously need therapy!

But since this blog is about my painting, and not about my whining, I'm going to start using painting as my therapy and get back to something that I like to do, not that I need to do. Theres' so much of that around lately.  That NEED to do stuff.  I have always gravitated towards the LIKE to do, or WANT to do and that just becomes the natural NEED to do and by then I'd package it up and teach someone else to do it or sell it to someone else.

Spoken like a true entrepreneur.  That may be why I am enjoying learning to paint.  It's not something I can package up and "hand off" to anyone else to do.  HHHmmmm.  I'm going to have to talk to someone about that.  I think I'll go call my sister now.

Share the Joy.


natalee said...

paint girlie paint....hugs!!!!!!

karylsquilts said...

This is one you NEED. keep at it. do it again. swish that brush ~~

Ayelet said...

SO good to hear your voice! Do remember that you are human and you are under an incredible amount of stress and it's okay to feel it.... Remember to reach out for support when you feel overwhelmed. (I can so relate to hating my own work, btw! Such a great exercise to just keep at it....)


B.Booth said...

Kay, I have just started reading your blog and I am so touched by the care you are giving to MiMi. I share so many of your feelings. Your writing helps me understand my own feelings. I, too, am a huge fan of Bob Ross. My first experience with painting was taking a class to learn his method. That was 7 years ago, and I am still watching his videos and painting. Thanks for your blog. Keep it up.

Ayelet said...

Haven't heard from you in a while...How are you holding up? Please make sure to do some fun things for yourself. Your family needs a healthy wife, mom, and daughter! ;) But seriously, take care of yourself.

karylsquilts said...

YOu are too quiet !! whats the news?? hows mimi?? hows you?? grab the paint brush ~~ GO~~...

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